Learning to Respect Without Judging

Context. What is the purpose of the human experience?

Before moving on to the next topic, it is helpful to place ourselves within a context that offers a new way of looking at life, a new paradigm, one that allows us to be happier and to understand human beings. You don't have to agree with everything that follows, or believe any of it, because we are not talking about beliefs. All you need to do is verify in your own life the results of applying this information, to see whether they hold true for you.

If these inner results are happiness, peace, and harmony, then we will know that this information is true. If our external experiences in relationships, health, resources, and adaptation to our environment improve, then we will confirm that this information is wisdom.

The purpose of the human experience is to evolve, to develop our consciousness so that we may be filled with wisdom and love. All human beings, without exception, have come into the world to work on our spiritual development, sharing and participating in experiences with other human beings. Life is a remarkable educational process of the Universe; planet Earth is a “spiritual school,” and every experience we live through can be compared to an academic year.

Spiritual development is inner work, absolutely individual and personal. No one can do it for another person, but neither can it be done “without others.” In other words, we need interaction and experience with other people in order to build our own development, to get to know ourselves. Sometimes, instead of taking charge of our own development, we try to interfere with that of others; in those cases, instead of learning from others, we want to change them. All this accomplishes is to distort the educational process, or to try to distort it, and in doing so we complicate our own lives.

Only by understanding this can we effectively ask ourselves, “What does life want to teach us in each situation?”, since every situation is a lesson. Ultimately, it is about learning to transmute ignorance into wisdom.

When we notice that suffering is disappearing, that inner peace is becoming unshakable, and that our capacity to create, act, love, and serve is expressed without any condition or restriction, it means we have attained wisdom.

In order to lay the foundation for a new civilization that brings a greater level of satisfaction to all people, we must begin by bringing harmony to ourselves. To do so, it is essential to study the universal laws and apply the principles that lead to wisdom. We must bear in mind that we will truly reach wisdom only through constant practice and by discarding the theories and concepts that prove to be wrong. In this way, it will be possible to develop peace and harmony right where we are, through the lessons of daily life, since life is the best school and nature the best teacher.

All it takes to achieve efficiency is to stop resisting the perfect order of the Universe; mental inefficiency is necessary to discover, through saturation, that the Laws of the Universe exist. Once we have suffered enough, we are ready to understand the Laws. For the external struggle to cease, the internal one must cease first, and for that we must have accepted that everything that exists and everything that happens is perfect and necessary, because it has a purpose of love.

Studying and understanding why the things that exist and happen do so can lead us to recognize the Laws, which in turn make it possible to create a better future for humanity.

There are seven Laws of the Universe that govern all of its processes of creation, administration, and evolution. Of these seven, four are fundamental, since they control the development and evolution of the consciousness of the human species anywhere in the Universe. These four Laws form the lower triangle, while the Law of Evolution is the upper one, governing the lower triangle, also called the triangle of hell because it is the lowest part of the universal laws.

We will be within the Law when we love, enjoy, and value what we have. Everything that is within the Law works and flows on its own.

Everything that brings suffering, anguish, pain, or illness does so because we are going against the Laws, and through that we come to recognize them. The results we experience when we step outside the Laws allow us to recognize their existence. It is necessary to make mistakes in order to discover the Law. Mistakes are not the problem; the problem is not learning from them.

The Law is designed so that we ourselves make a change, not so that we try to change others.

As you can see in the following tables, the human experience is governed by four specific Laws.

In the tables above, on the right-hand side we see the effects of violating the Law. In the topic on the Laws of the Universe, we will also find an explanation of the benefits of not violating the Law.

It is important not to confuse the universal laws with human laws or with rules. The former are immutable and cannot be repealed; they originate in the wisdom of the Absolute or Divinity and are therefore absolute. They cannot be modified or negotiated, and disobeying them has a negative result, in the sense of being unpleasant, and also a positive one, in the sense of the learning it involves. That is why it is said that human beings do not actually create laws but rather establish rules; we call them human laws, but they are rules, because they can be repealed, are temporary, and are useful for a given moment.

We have come to planet Earth to develop the three inner virtues: Happiness, Inner Peace, and Love or Service to Others. This development brings excellent results in four areas: Relationships, Resources, Health, and Adaptation to the Environment:

The idea is to use these virtues to relate to the external world. Learning to be happy, to have peace, and to love is the true purpose that brought us human beings into the physical world of matter.

Happiness, peace, and love are principles of the divine essence; they have no polarity; they are immutable.

Learning to be happy:

• To learn to be happy, you only have to face everything you believe takes your happiness away.
• To be happy, you don't need anything external, only understanding and a particular mindset.
• Non-acceptance is the only cause of suffering; we must stop resisting reality.
• It is essential to stop working on others and to work solely and exclusively on yourself, changing within yourself whatever bothers you (the ego) so that it stops doing so.
• If there is suffering, only one question needs to be asked: “What am I not accepting?” The answer lies there.
• Everyone, without exception, has what they need to be happy; however, very few know how to be happy with what they have. Learning to have peace:
• Nothing and no one provides peace.
• Inner peace is the result of one's own spiritual development, not a gift.
• Managing peace requires several elements: clear and accurate information to understand that life is a process of love and that evil does not exist; the ability to manage one's own life energy; and training.
• If you lose your peace, ask yourself: “What am I resisting? What do I want to change? Who am I blaming?” Learning to love your neighbor as yourself:
• To do this, all you have to do is take part in activities or spend time with people whose behavior is very different from your own, so that you learn to love and respect them just as they are.
• Love cannot be offended; it is invulnerable, immutable, universal, and neutral.
• Love implies a total understanding of the Universe; it is a way of being and does not need an “object” onto which to project itself.
• Love is not a force, but a tool.
• Love is not a feeling.
• To love is to always give the best of yourself.
• If you’re feeling unmotivated, it’s best to ask yourself why you’re allowing this specific situation to limit your ability to serve, which in reality shouldn’t depend on external events. By developing the three inner virtues, you’ll achieve excellent external results in all four areas:
• In relationships.
• In resources.
• In health.
• In adapting to our environment. Five elements are present in the life experience of every human being: purpose, destiny, mission, function, and intention.

1. The Purpose

There is a purpose of love that brought us into the material world; it is the perfect goal of learning two things:

a) Being happy by yourself, that is, not depending on anything or anyone to enjoy inner peace and happiness.

b) Loving your neighbor as yourself, that is, respecting the rights of all beings in the Universe.

And how is this learned? Here we can see the perfection of the Absolute’s pedagogical design. To practice learning to be happy by oneself, we need to live in a certain place, with certain people and in circumstances in which everything happening around us is more or less aggressive. In this way we’ll realize that our problem isn’t caused by what happens around us, but by the way we relate to it, and by the rejection and resistance we set in motion.

As for the second part, loving your neighbor as yourself, it means respecting them just as they are, not trying to change them, and not resisting others. It is necessary to live in a place where the people around you think differently, have varied customs, and believe in different things. In this way, we will learn to love them as they are, without judging or condemning them. This is how the purpose of love is fulfilled; it is the true reason why we human beings are on planet Earth.

More than 2,000 years ago, the Master Jesus taught us this when he said, “Love your enemies”—who are not our enemies, but simply people who think differently.

Being happy means experiencing zero suffering in the face of whatever happens; and loving means offering zero resistance to others. Wisdom is equal to love, not to sentiment. A person who has love cares deeply about others but does not suffer; by contrast, a person who lacks wisdom but has kindness cares deeply about others but suffers enormously. Those who don’t care, the callous and the indifferent, have neither wisdom nor kindness.

2. Destiny

It is what we come to learn from the material world—learning to use the seven tools of love in order to have invulnerable peace. It is a great opportunity to learn what we lack.

We all bring into the world an unavoidable destiny, one of enormous value. Our culture teaches us to try to evade destiny instead of showing us how to make the most of it. The key to making the most of destiny is: "You have the ability to enjoy anything you do, because that ability is within you.".. However, if someone tells their child: "You always have to do what you like.", it will create an enormous block in them.

Destiny is a pedagogical design whose purpose is to allow human beings to verify and discover information that governs the Universe and its perfect order. It is therefore the best opportunity to transcend all of our human limitations. Instead of complaining about the difficulties life presents, we should take advantage of them as a great opportunity to transcend them; then they will disappear forever. If we don’t learn from difficulties, far from disappearing, they will become more complicated, persist, and become permanent.

3. The Mission

It consists of what we can teach in the material world. We should enjoy our mission intensely, whether or not it is part of our own function.

Mission allows us to recover a great deal of the vital energy invested in the exercise of learning to be happy. Mission is what has already been understood, what is already known; therefore, it can be used to serve others while enjoying ourselves intensely.

Both mission and destiny are represented in the personality: the latter through the belief system, and the former through understanding. As we transmute our ignorance into understanding and wisdom, we will have more and more mission and, therefore, more satisfaction.

4. The Function

It is what each person does to earn their livelihood; it consists of putting as much enthusiasm, joy, and love as possible into what you do, even if it isn't part of your mission.

We know that all living beings have a function within the order of the Universe. It takes wisdom to take it on with joy, with enthusiasm, with a full capacity for action and service. Function is not about “earning a living”; life is not “earned,” because it is a divine gift. What we earn is the sustenance of this biological entity, this body.

Thus, our sustenance is guaranteed as a result of our function. Those who are happy and enjoy what they do will always have an abundance of resources.

5. The Intention

It is what we want for ourselves or for others. Intention should be directed in such a way that it does not interfere with the destinies of others or try to evade our own destiny.

Intention is the most complex element for human beings today, because sentiment, the idea of goodness, and the other ideas that culture mistakenly passed on to us constantly lead us to try to interfere with the destinies of others. If we accepted that destiny is something extraordinary and not “bad,” that it is the best opportunity we have to fulfill what we came to do in the world, we would stop trying to change other people’s destinies.

When a child wants to become independent and the parents oppose it, how can we act so as not to interfere? We always want things to work our way. In this case, the parents feel it isn’t the right time because their child doesn’t have a stable job, for example, and they don’t want them to leave home. Our “I wants” are the cause of suffering. The “I want” is also called unconscious selfishness, because we want others to be happy doing what we want them to do.

What would be the wise and loving thing to do in this case? To tell the child: “For us, the most important thing is that you are happy and that you find your own path, so we respect your decision. Know that if you want to come back, the door will always be open.”

Ultimately, wisdom means having a clear sense of purpose, making the most of destiny, enjoying your mission, taking on your function, and managing the intention not to interfere with other people’s destinies, and it requires that all of this be practiced in thought, word, and deed.

Chapter 1. Respect as a Tool of Love

Respect means making the most of our differences as a form of mutual support, for inner growth and adaptation. Respect develops when we stop trying to impose our own behaviors and customs, and stop invading other people's spaces.

We will have absolute peace if we respect all people in their ideas, customs, beliefs, and behaviors, as well as in their right to make their own decisions; that is, if we give up criticizing, judging, disqualifying, condemning, and punishing anyone for any reason, because we understand that everyone does the best they can with the best they know, and it is not our place to judge them.

Harmonious coexistence is the result of learning to respect.

We cannot change others, but we do have the ability to change ourselves so that we can live together in peace and harmony. It is always possible to improve our lives and succeed in everything we do if we are willing to work with the tools of love.

To enjoy excellent relationships with other people, you need to always be willing to offer support and to value the relationship above your personal preferences. In this regard, we recommend reading the topic titled Learning to Have Peace. It presents concrete examples of the kind of communication best suited to improving relationships while avoiding aggressive communication.

Our relationships with others help us get to know our inner world and give us the opportunity to strengthen our expression of love.

The purpose of relationships is to learn to live harmoniously with all living beings, and their function is to maintain balance, allowing individual fulfillment through integration with others.

Relationships are a constant learning process through which we eventually move from those marked by fear (instinct) and suffering (selfishness) to relationships of love (understanding), in which there is always mutual satisfaction. We can measure our ignorance and our understanding by the results of our behaviors, whether selfish—that is, arising from the ego or from our limitations—or loving.

The external result a person obtains speaks clearly of the inner methods they use to achieve it; it shows whether the person relied on a false belief or a true one that they turned into wisdom. If our behaviors are those of a selfish person, we will produce absolutely undesirable results. This is because such conduct originates in inner limitations, not in virtues, which makes it impossible to build harmonious or loving relationships.

If a person has many inner limitations, the smartest thing to do is to start working on them, because they cannot exert any influence over others, only over themselves.

If we aspire to create loving relationships, we must lay down the weapons of selfishness and use the tools of love, that is, the behaviors of a loving person. This is what we call spiritual development. To the extent that we strengthen our tools and weaken our weapons, we become people who live in peaceful coexistence; otherwise, we will tend to be aggressive and, by the Law of Cause and Effect, that very aggression will come back to us.

The inability of present-day human beings to relate harmoniously determines the existence of borders, property, and individual boundaries that prevent us from making proper use of existing resources. This creates an unbalanced and chaotic society, where everyone desperately tries to secure a relatively safe position that will allow them to meet their individual needs. But we fail to realize that the real problem lies within each individual; by not knowing how to relate to others, people rule out the possibility of sharing the wealth that exists and of finding full satisfaction of their physical, social, and spiritual needs, which would translate into peace, harmony, and happiness.

The different types of relationships that human beings establish throughout life not only determine the social structure but also make it possible to describe quite precisely the characteristics of the limitations learned by the human personality. On this basis, relationships become an important tool for evolution, since, besides being the “building element” of civilization, they help a person transcend their own conceptual and traumatic limitations. This is because each individual, in their constant attempt to find fulfillment in relationships, ends up discovering the principles of love —beyond their learned concepts and limitations— and recognizing that love is the only true inner guide for reaching happiness on a personal level and for building a new civilization where there are no personal conflicts or wars.

If we isolate ourselves and don't build relationships, we won't be able to get to know ourselves or work on our limitations. Relationships with others are therefore essential for personal growth.

Peace = Zero Conflicts = Respect.

As our peace increases, so does our vital energy; this, in turn, allows us to increase our understanding, since we will enjoy greater mental clarity. Conversely, if we are full of conflicts and have no peace, we will needlessly drain our vital energy and enter the zone of mental darkness, which will diminish our understanding. If any one of the three elements in this triad is missing, the balance will not work, because it is a process of continuous movement.

Understanding

If you lack understanding, you will have neither spiritual freedom nor independence; in other words, you will be vulnerable. You will have no peace, nor will you be able to respect; therefore, you will be full of conflicts. It's the same as saying that if you don't respect, you won't be inwardly free, because you won't have understood and, as a result, you won't have peace.

Another important function of relationships is to manage our levels of inner vital energy. This is easy to see in the moods we experience when we form relationships that originate in selfishness and ignorance or, conversely, when we create them on the basis of love and harmony. How we handle our relationships will determine the inner energy levels we enjoy. Vital energy is constantly produced within us and is normally consumed in the various daily activities we carry out: when we maintain a state of inner peace, we consume less vital energy than we produce, so it rises, which shows up as a state of peace, understanding, satisfaction, and inner well-being that makes it easier to express love. Conversely, when our inner states are those of permanent conflict, we consume a great deal of vital energy and it drops, which shows up as states of apathy, sadness, depression, anguish, confusion, fear, despair, and so on. Hence the importance of always handling our relationships (lovingly), with understanding and harmony.

Chapter 2. What Keeps Us from Respecting?

2.1 How to Build Loving Relationships

Today, one of the greatest obstacles human beings face in establishing and maintaining loving relationships—and thus finding true satisfaction, harmony, and mutual growth in sharing with other people—originates in the conceptual interpretation each person makes of the intentions, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors of others. Such interpretations generally lead individuals to blame, judge (that is, disrespect), and condemn other people and, naturally, to the deterioration of most of their relationships. And all of this happens because they do not realize that their interpretations may be very far from the truth.

Next, we will analyze the elements the mind uses to interpret the intentions, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors of others.

As you can see in the table above, when we are not trained to live from love, the elements the mind uses to interpret the different situations of life and relationships often do not contain real principles of love, such as understanding, acceptance, appreciation, gratitude, or respect. For all these reasons, the mind’s interpretation is not real, is not loving, does not bring satisfaction, and generally damages most relationships. This is resolved when we begin to live from a true understanding of love.

We suffer only because of our false beliefs and interpretations.

If you “believe” something, it means you have not verified what you believe. As long as a person has not verified a piece of information, their beliefs will be beliefs of ignorance, because they will not even know whether they are false or true. In reality, we all have beliefs; the question is how to distinguish the false ones from those that are associated with a truth.

The mind of the ignorant tenaciously tries to defend everything it believes.

The idea of good and evil is closely tied to beliefs, but the truth is something else entirely. For example, in India it is forbidden to kill cows, yet in the West it is permitted—and even well regarded. This is an example of how different beliefs determine what we consider “good” and what we consider “bad.” To free ourselves from conflict and stop being part of the vicious circle of hatred & revenge & grudges & resentment & blame, we need to understand that truth has nothing to do with beliefs.

To know which beliefs are true, we must verify them against the inner results they produce—whether happiness and peace or suffering—and also against the outer results: relationships, health, resources, and adaptation to the environment. There is only one true belief: the one that fills us with peace and makes us happy, because the truth frees us from suffering, ignorance, illness, conflict, fear, scarcity, and so on.

Truth is neutral; it does not interpret, judge, condemn, or blame anyone and is therefore absolutely freeing from all conflict. When you look at any event from the perspective of truth, you understand that it is necessary, regardless of whether some people label it as dramatic, or as satisfying or pleasant. Apart from that, every event is necessary, because if it were not, it could not exist.

The first exercise for maintaining inner balance is to understand that external events, being neutral, have no possibility of harming us. However, we do cause ourselves a great deal of harm when we interpret events out of ignorance. The result is that each of us hurts ourselves by interpreting external events or other people’s attitudes or behaviors, and then blames the other person. But as long as we blame, there will be neither peace nor good relationships.

If a person understands events from the perspective of truth, they will be able to make good use of them. In other words, if an event confronts a person’s feelings and, from the perspective of truth, that person sees it as an opportunity to learn something new, they will find value in it, and it will stop being painful or confrontational and become satisfying, so the person will learn from it. At that moment, that person is already perceiving life from the perspective of truth.

True enthusiasm arises when you have enough information to know how to do something, free of beliefs and with wisdom.

Whoever has an expectation will meet with disappointment.

Expectations do not come from wisdom; they come only from our ignorance. That is why it is essential not to have them, but to enjoy every moment of life; that is all there is to do.

The only truth is love.

As you grow in your understanding of love, you will also grow in truth and find peace, serenity, and happiness within yourself, because love and truth will set us free. Thus, every fully satisfying relationship is always governed by the Law of Love.

Any concept that is not based on love is false—a learned limitation, part of ignorance. That is why it will always bring dissatisfaction, separation, pain, and suffering, because nothing else can be expected from ignorance.

Every result we obtain in life is a product of the Law. Therefore, the only thing that can be modified or interpreted is the cause that produced that result. If we change the cause, we may obtain a different result. But what has already been obtained cannot be changed; learning from it is what allows us to recognize the Law.

Thus, we can say that results verify the Law; they are not interpreted. Interpreting causes is the great mistake brought about by ignorance. An example will help make this clearer: there are two crashed vehicles and two injured people. This result is not open to interpretation but is verifiable. One or more people made a mistake, and the result was two wrecked vehicles and two injured people. But in most cases we will interpret: Who was at fault? Who caused it? What will the punishment be? A person with wisdom does not engage in any kind of interpretation but says, “There is a result that shows us a Law, and there is simply a need to learn.” From wisdom, you can ask: What do we need to learn? This is what it means to be in a relationship of love.

The origin of anything undesirable will always be a mistake, which in turn is an opportunity to learn something so as not to make it again. We must look for a lesson, not for someone to blame or accuse. In every conflict, learning takes place on both sides; each learns what they lack: the person who was attacked learns not to blame the aggressor, not to judge, and to let go of what they do not need, through acceptance. The aggressor learns to respect, not to attack, and to verify the Law of Cause and Effect.

To work with conceptual interpretation and observe how we interpret life, we are going to pass judgment—or, rather, make an evaluation—of two characters. We need to reach a verdict, and there are only two possibilities for each: either they are innocent or they are guilty—in our terms, since the guilty party does not exist, we will say that they are “not innocent” or that they need to take responsibility for the result they are accused of.

2.2 Two Ways of Forming Unsatisfying Relationships

2.2.1 The Story of the First Character, Called Don Julio

Don Julio is known as the greatest manipulator in history. He was the third of five siblings. He was a very cheerful, charming, attractive, uncomplicated child; he easily won other people’s affection, everyone indulged him, and he became the family’s “favorite” child. Julio realized he had a knack for attracting people, and he figured there was no need to work because his parents had money and all he had to do was take advantage of it and enjoy it.

Julio behaved as follows: he never contradicted his parents; he manipulated his teachers at school and managed to get excellent grades without studying; he was, in short, a model student. He thought about marrying a wealthy woman and having two children so they would take care of him when he was older. In the end, Don Julio stayed in his parents’ home, cared for them when they grew old, and inherited 50% of their estate; the other half was divided among the other four siblings.

After his death, he is accused of ill intent—for trying to keep the entire inheritance from his parents for himself—of falseness—because he manipulated and deceived everyone around him to achieve his goals—and of dishonesty and opportunism.

2.2.2 The Story of the Second Character, Called Don Jorge

Don Jorge is the antithesis of Don Julio. He is upright, honest, bound to the law and the rules, and a perfectionist. Things must always be perfect, or they are not done at all. He was also born into a well-to-do family, the oldest of three siblings. Jorge was completely incapable of thinking about manipulating anyone for his own benefit. He was a perfectionist and would fly into a rage easily if something wasn’t perfect; he wouldn’t tolerate a single mistake from his younger siblings or his parents, and he criticized anything that wasn’t done right. He was a pain, because he would give everyone “a piece of his mind” and always point out where they had gone wrong.

For all these reasons, Jorge had few friends. His relationship with his parents and siblings was poor, because they found him quite unbearable. On the other hand, he was a model student, and he wouldn’t let anyone help him or do any of his assignments for him. As an adult, he succeeded in business thanks to his integrity. He got married, had two children, and remained very demanding; nobody could ever please him. Later he separated from his wife, one of his children took his own life at the age of 18, and his daughter disappeared. His parents died without his ever having forgiven them for their lack of character and firmness. His siblings never dealt with him again, and he was left alone.

When he dies, he is accused of harming, destroying, damaging, and nullifying the lives and happiness of others…

2.2.3 Evaluation and Reflections

When we reflect on these two characters, we can see what we usually do in our conflict-ridden relationships: conceptual interpretations of real events can vary enormously, the confusion generated within us is great, and our methods of evaluation turn out to be confusing. We often judge, evaluate, or interpret from false beliefs, not from true understanding. It doesn’t matter how long it took to gain that understanding; once it is gained, the entire past is healed. But the problem is interpreting the causes instead of observing the results. By blaming people, governments, or circumstances, all we achieve is to reveal our own ignorance.

Regarding the stories of Don Julio and Don Jorge, let’s reflect from a place of wisdom with these questions:

1. Are they innocent or not? Both characters are innocent, because ignorance is not a crime. Innocence in the realm of the mind can lead to mistakes, and the ignorant person must learn not to make them. How do we know it’s a mistake? By the results each person achieves. Thus, Don Julio achieved excellent results; when we set out to judge the supposed methods he used to achieve them, we misinterpreted them based on our false beliefs. Don Jorge’s case is entirely different, but he is also innocent because he thought that by being demanding and a perfectionist, he would achieve excellent results—and he did not achieve them because he made the mistake of judging and criticizing everything others said or did.
2. Was his intention good or “bad”? Everyone has good intentions; no one does things with bad intentions, because each person does the best they know how. Don Julio’s apparent “bad intentions” are merely our own interpretations; he didn’t have them. He could be accused of getting everything without working; but that is wisdom, because it is simply a matter of fulfilling a function while enjoying it intensely. Don Julio provides a service to his family and achieves satisfactory results. For his part, Don Jorge has good intentions because he wanted to do everything perfectly and tried to make others just as perfect as he was.
3. Do they deserve to go to “heaven” or “hell”? If we had only observed the results, we would realize that Don Julio deserves an extraordinary life—what we call “heaven”—because he learned to express his values, at first without realizing it and later with greater understanding, and the means he used were all loving: he never fought with anyone, but instead collaborated, supported, served, and committed himself. Don Jorge, on the other hand, goes to “hell,” because the results he obtained show that he “didn’t know”—that he didn’t learn what life was teaching him. Therefore, he still has something left to learn in the lower triangle of the Laws of the Universe, known as “hell.” Hell is actually what each of us does within ourselves when faced with situations we do not understand; such confrontational situations occur in the first levels of evolution, which is what we call the lower triangle. The Laws of Affinity and of Cause and Effect derive from the Law of Correspondence. The first says that what one harbors within is what one will find outside—love with love, violence with violence. For its part, the Law of Cause and Effect means that everything sent out returns with the same charge with which it was sent. The result one receives shows what one has within. The Law of Correspondence, in turn, states that everything is in its place, and that every place and every event corresponds to a specific place and event in the Universe. Therefore, we are all correspondent with the place where we live and with the experiences we have every day.

Absolutely everything that happens in a human being’s life has been generated by that person, and they need not blame anyone for it—not even themselves. If they have generated certain events, they have done so for the purpose of learning and discovering the Laws that govern the Universe. Therefore, they do so out of a pedagogical need.

As long as we do not understand this, we will continue to have conflict-ridden relationships, which arise from conceptual interpretation. This consists of altering what we do not understand and adapting it to what we “want” to understand, and human beings are highly skilled at doing so.

In our examples, Mr. Julio verified the Law of Harmony and became aligned with the principle of love that governs satisfying results. Therefore, he could become a teacher and share what he discovered. Mr. Jorge, for his part, verified the Law of Evolution and the presence of the clash of opposites —which is very confrontational—and became aware of his own ignorance. Therefore, to move beyond it, he needs to learn in the lower triangle (or hell).

The Law of Evolution allows for error, and the Law of Correspondence determines where, when, and under what circumstances the error is made. The first designs the pedagogical processes, and the second places the person in “first degree,” “second degree,” and so on.

According to the Laws of Affinity and of Cause and Effect, if one fills oneself with hatred, one will encounter violence outside; this effect keeps multiplying, because from correspondence arises the culprit: if one believes there is a culprit, one will think of punishment and the need for justice, and this, in turn, will generate revenge. To break free from this vicious circle and change one’s own correspondence, it is necessary to renounce completely and definitively responding to violence with hatred and to hatred with violence.

In the results, we verify the Laws. Regardless of whether the result is satisfactory or not, the question each of us needs to ask, from wisdom, is: “What did I do to obtain this result?” And if it is satisfactory, the next question will be: “How can I repeat it?” If it is unsatisfactory, the question will be: “How can I learn not to repeat the same mistake?”

When someone—or you yourself—makes a mistake, you only need to ask one question: “What do I learn from my own mistake or someone else’s?” On the other hand, the question “Who is to blame?” leads to disaster, because assigning blame results only in punishment, and this in turn in violence, resentment, hatred, and revenge. This is the cause of what is happening on our planet; it is impossible to mend relationships in which there are culprits, punishments, and aggression.

Most of us, instead of using self-assessment, which yields excellent results, resort to self-deception. We use self-deception because we believe we know what others need. But if we don’t even know what we ourselves need, we will know it even less about others. The ego’s subtle self-deception comes from thinking that one is “good” and therefore thinks of others and acts on their behalf. But the truth is that we do it for ourselves—whether by seeking approval, or wanting our own values to be recognized, or, of course, because we love to “serve” others. The typical phrase might be: “I’m right, and I think of others because I know what is right.” But how can one know what is right if one’s own result is showing the opposite? Results speak louder and better than anything one believes.

Another form of self-deception is thinking that we can help others change. We can provide them with information or tools, but it is others who change themselves; we cannot change anyone else. We need to accept other people just as they are.

Another form of self-deception lies in the belief that one would be happy if everything were done the way one says. In reality, the ego can never be satisfied, because it always desires what it does not have, and no matter how much it has, it will invent something it lacks.

It is also a form of self-deception to believe that we can make others happy or that others can make us happy. On the contrary, we can learn to be happy on our own and to share that happiness with others, but nothing more. “My happiness depends solely on me.”

Since we aim to learn how to build relationships with a high level of satisfaction with all beings in the Universe, the first being with whom we need to learn to build this kind of relationship is ourselves. If we have nothing within us, we cannot offer anything to anyone. The process begins with our own way of thinking.

Chapter 3. The Origin of Human Behavior

Human behavior originates in three different internal archives that we can learn to recognize and manage consciously. Behaviors can be classified as follows:

1. Natural behavior (survival and selection). It is called innocent because it is based on instinctual functions; these are expressed through the selection of the best qualities and genetic compatibility for procreation, and its fundamental purpose is to sustain life. In the realm of relationships, this behavior is essentially insensitive to the needs of others: the individual is concerned only with themselves, so we interpret it as selfish. It is, therefore, a purely instinctive behavior related to survival; it is unconscious, automatic, and devoid of feelings.
2. Learned behavior (a cultural and intellectual condition). It is called ignorant because it is based on limiting traumas—acquired through experiences that were not understood—and on all kinds of learned and as-yet-unverified knowledge that the intellect experiences through analysis, research, conclusion, and the attainment of results that it can verify as understanding. Its fundamental purpose is to experience life. Learned behavior hinders relationships because of its interpretive nature, which leads to assumptions and conceptual beliefs; this causes the individual to develop a certain susceptibility linked to feeling.
3. Corresponding behavior (level of consciousness). It is called conscious because it is based on an understanding of the different aspects of life and its levels of evolution, as well as on the recognition of the Laws that govern the Universe and life. Its primary function is the expression of love, through which the limitations originating in the other two archives are transcended. Its fundamental purpose is to understand life. Relationships based on corresponding behavior flow smoothly and reach wonderful levels of human and social satisfaction, since this behavior allows for the full development of acceptance. In the table below, the left column indicates which characteristics are permanent, which are transient—those we can transcend or stop using—which are the results—the way to recognize the presence of each of these archives within us—and which are the characteristics of the organization—the starting point of the information that organizes each of the centers.

From the above, we can conclude that if we do not transcend the transient characteristics of instinct and personality, we will find it difficult to build loving relationships.

In addition:

1. Instinctive behavior (an animal characteristic) dominates a person when no other higher archive or center has yet developed within them that can guide new behavior. Once the personality archive or learning center becomes operational, instinct should be reduced to its basic, permanent function—that is, to generate and sustain life; but this does not happen, because what has been learned is incapable of understanding the basic Law of Nature, and thus introduces concepts about how to sustain life into its learned behavioral pattern.
2. When the lower centers (instinct and personality) become the “bosses” of behavior, life becomes a constant internal conflict that manifests as disharmony in relationships. This will always be the result of aggression, defense, and conceptualization. Learned (conceptual) behavior and its resulting dissatisfaction and suffering are inevitable until the archive of the higher center of understanding (consciousness) comes into operation, even partially. When this happens, the learning center is reduced to its basic function: experiencing life and obtaining verified results to nourish the development of consciousness.
3. Behavior in keeping with the Law and harmony has the archive of understanding (consciousness) as its guiding center; it does not overlook the importance of the other two centers, with their complementary basic functions, for the development of understanding. However, human behavior originates in other centers that lack the information and characteristics necessary for the expression of love. For this reason, until behavior grounded in the center of understanding is achieved, people will not be able to find happiness in their relationships or satisfaction in life. Just as feelings cannot be expressed through instinct, neither is it possible to express love through concepts and interpretations rooted in ignorance. If our guiding center is not the archive of understanding, we will never be able to experience happiness. As long as we have a body, the permanent characteristics remain constant, and we need to guide them with wisdom, from understanding. The transient characteristics are necessary only until we have developed sufficient understanding; after that, we will stop using them. For everything that is not perfect is temporary, and the only thing that is eternal is what is perfect. Physical desires, which are normal and natural, become “wants” and frustrations on the mental level, and acceptance and obedience to the Law at the level of understanding. We human beings obey the Law of Nature when it comes to sustaining life, the Law of Harmony in our relationships, and the Law of Love in respect. Instinct is not a conscious archive, but a purely automatic one;

it reacts instantly to any external stimulus, whether positive or negative; it is not rational. On the other hand, judging or condemning is rational, but it is associated with false beliefs. This is what shapes personality, because each archive has its equivalent in another one superior to it.

Thought, from wisdom, must be a voluntary tool, not an automatic one; that is why we call it voluntary, directed, and sustained thought, and in this way it transforms the mental field.

Voluntarily repeating a procedure creates a habit. The ultimate goal of this process is to develop the habits of peace, coexistence, respect, non-reaction… But that will come only after going through a voluntary process; if it is left “on autopilot,” the behavior will continue to be instinctive or learned & cultural.

As for the results, instinct reacts with pain when the body is injured; this is its defense for the body. For its part, the mental field reacts with suffering; that is the ego’s defense. Finally, in understanding there is no possibility of suffering, but rather a decision to enjoy every experience; that is what sustains the structure of love within us.

Just as feelings automatically lean toward the positive, they can also lean toward the negative, depending on external events. What never fluctuates is understanding. When we come to understand that we are the ones who direct our feelings, and that they are not determined by what happens outside, they cease to be automatic and become voluntary.

In the line of understanding love & peace & happiness we find voluntary thought and behavior. This means that a person can voluntarily make a decision or generate a positive feeling or emotion “from above.” If it happens “from below,” on the other hand, it will be automatic and therefore subject to duality.

Feelings are linked to beliefs. So if your own beliefs lead you to think that something is good, the resulting feeling will be satisfying; but if the opposite is true, a negative feeling will arise. In short, feelings are an extraordinary tool for self-knowledge. However, once you reach the level of understanding, feelings no longer exist, only the voluntary decision born of wisdom.

Next, we will look at the procedure for discarding the transitory characteristics of instinct and learning, as well as its results. This can be done using three techniques:

1. Wisdom information. It must be sufficient, efficient, and timely. For a person to be willing to receive new information (because human minds are new, but the information of the culture is ancient, thousands of years old), they need to reach a state called saturation of suffering. When a person no longer wants to suffer, their mind opens to new information in order to overcome that suffering.
2. Mental reprogramming. Once the mind is filled with information that the individual has verified, they will use it to carry out a reprogramming that will completely transform their mental structure. This is done through voluntary, directed, and sustained thought, using the verified information. Let’s pay attention to how we talk to ourselves, because our words and thoughts are constantly reprogramming the mental field. Let’s treat ourselves with love and, if we make a mistake, let’s tell ourselves: “I’m getting better; next time I’ll do it better.”
3. Desensitization of feeling or trauma. This sets the person free: when you can remember the trauma without suffering, you are healed. We all have some level of understanding. Strengthening it so we can manage our relationships from love, peace, and happiness will give us relationships with a very high level of satisfaction. Instinct is managed through mental reprogramming, while the ego is managed through agreements guided by understanding, together with mental flexibility. As we have already said, the codes of instinct are automatic, not rational; that is, they have nothing to do with the mental field. A person does not decide to fall in love; they may decide to enter into a relationship, but falling in love simply happens. Then, from the mental field, the person must decide what to do with what has happened according to their instinct. Consequently, relationships are not built from instinct;

if they were, they would have no permanent foundation, only a temporary one. Instinct cannot sustain a relationship beyond three years, and we human beings want to build loving relationships that are stable.

Therefore, a relationship of this kind (permanent and stable) must necessarily arise from understanding in the mental field, from a conscious decision. Let’s look at the following example: a person makes a commitment from the field of understanding; that commitment is valid for those who have entered into it by mutual agreement and therefore has value, and the people who made it are willing to be loyal to it. The person may experience twenty infatuations at the same time, but will not pay attention to them; they will simply see that it is normal for their emotions, spontaneously and naturally, to return to balance just as they were stirred up, and nothing more happens. It is understanding that decides not to break a commitment because of a temporary situation generated by instinct and genetics, although it also cannot deny that such a situation exists.

There is no need to cut the experience short; you simply have to let it pass on its own. The cycle of falling in love is temporary, and this is one of the main problems for most couples, who think they will be in love for the rest of their lives. That is not true; it comes from false beliefs. What lasts a lifetime is love, not even the relationship. Because if a person has loved, they can never stop loving, regardless of whether the relationship exists or not. When someone says “the love is gone,” they are not telling the truth; the affection and the feeling are gone, but not the love, which is permanent.

Nor is it true that we suffer because of love: we suffer only because of feeling, personality, and ego. That is why, when we speak of love, we are referring to something that lies beyond the human concept, which reaches only as far as the level of belief; from there on it is pure understanding, and no concept exists.

Ultimately, all relationships will be healthy if we build them on clear agreements. We can seek to complement our lives in different ways, through different types of relationships: friendship, integration, business partnership, brotherhood, romantic partnership… but an agreement between the parties is always necessary.

Mistakes That Harm Relationships

• Aggression, which generally originates in the characteristic of the defense instinct.
• False beliefs, which originate in learned culture.
• Assumptions, which arise from personality.
• Spontaneity, which also arises from personality. Usually, if something doesn't arise spontaneously, a person won't value it.
• In general, all automatic reactions are destructive to relationships because they generate guilt, bitterness, resentment, touchiness, and so on. The solution for dismantling all of this is to give up aggression, assumptions, automatic responses, spontaneity, ego, guilt, resentment, and touchiness. What are we left with, then? Understanding.

Behaviors That Improve Relationships

• The ability to love others by serving them, committing to them, and establishing clear and precise agreements
• Behaviors based on the seven tools of love deliver excellent results:
• Accept: we give up confronting others or trying to change them, and we accept that we can be happy regardless of other people’s behavior.
• Act: we give up harming others in thought, word, or deed.
• Adapt: we give up running away from the place or the situations we are meant to live.
• Give thanks: we give up suffering in the face of difficulties.
• Assume responsibility: we give up blaming, because no one is to blame for the experience we need to live.
• Respect: we give up criticizing, judging, condemning, or punishing.
• Value: we give up complaining about what we have. With these tools, loving relationships are built, because the seven renunciations weaken the ego. In any case, using these tools requires constant training. Our proposal is to carry out a mental reprogramming with these tools and their renunciations. From the files of understanding, we can make the most of relationships as an extraordinary opportunity to learn to love, be happy, and respect the experiences of all other people. The process of harmonious and peaceful coexistence among human beings depends on each of us acquiring the ability to respect differences instead of trying to change others. Our capacity to love appears when we respect limitations, when we understand that we learn from them, without entering into conflict, simply knowing how to reconcile with them and accept them. In the case of a romantic relationship, at the beginning we see many virtues in the other person. But it is wise to observe their limitations, their flaws, and the mistakes that human beings normally make.

Then you should ask yourself a very simple question: “Do I feel capable of handling this situation?” If the answer is no, then you should not enter into a romantic relationship with that person, because it will lead to real conflict. But if the answer is yes, that indicates a capacity for acceptance, reconciliation, and respect for differences, and then relationships can be built. If that is also mutual, then it will be extraordinary.

Chapter 4. Dismantling Limitations

When we try to relate to others from our fears, resentments, guilt, and attachments, our relationships will be disastrous. For this reason, to find true happiness, we need to get rid of the limitations that originate in our ignorance and begin to relate to others from understanding and love.

In order to free ourselves from the internal limitations that prevent the expression of love, it is essential to understand some simple philosophical principles about the purpose of every human being’s life. This purpose is none other than to live an experience in the personality that leads individuals to understand the reason behind every event that occurs in their lives. In other words, to learn to be happy on one’s own in order to have peace, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself.

Let's dismantle these false beliefs and replace them with the following truths:

1. We create danger ourselves through our ignorance. Is it dangerous to fly a plane? Not if you know how to fly. Instead of confronting what exists, we simply need to work to overcome our ignorance; then the danger will cease to exist. In reality, danger is the relationship between ignorance and a situation that one does not know how to handle. There are no dangers; there are simply people who don’t know how to do something.
2. We bring illness upon ourselves. The body is a gift from nature, and it becomes ill when we choose to harm it with our thoughts, resentments, guilt, and attitudes of rejection toward life. We become ill because we stray from the Law of Nature—by rejecting life, thinking negatively, and filling ourselves with resentment and suffering—because all of this weakens the immune system. We can avoid this by aligning ourselves with the order of the Universe and always thinking the best from a place of love. It is also important to know that there may be so-called “fate-driven” or “karmic” illnesses, which do not originate from negative thoughts, but rather from an established plan of overcoming and correspondence.
3. No one can lose what they need for their life experience. Experience is generated by our decisions, actions, and attitudes. The experience that leads to understanding is the purpose of life, and certain circumstances correspond to it so that it can be lived. Since it is not possible to lose the elements necessary for that experience, it is pointless to waste time, life, energy, and health by clinging to, holding on to, protecting, and defending everything that is already ours, blaming others for the decisions we make, or blaming ourselves for the learning experiences we necessarily came here to understand. What can we do to ensure that what we need becomes increasingly satisfying in our lives? The answer is: to value everything we have and everything life gives us—whether material possessions, relationships, knowledge, or health… Because those who complain about what they have are on the path to losing what they need.
4. No one does anything to us; what happens to us is what we decide. Sometimes we are the instrument through which another person experiences what they design; other times, others serve as the instrument through which we experience what we ourselves design. We must not blame others for our own designs; they are our own, and no one else’s. Understanding this makes our relationships with others and with life easier.
5. We haven't done anything to anyone; they decided it that way themselves. The Law of Generation explains these last two points: according to this Law, “no one has ever hurt me; everything that has happened in my life in the past, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future is something that I—and I alone—generate. And just as no one has ever harmed me, neither have I harmed anyone.” Understanding this would allow us to completely eliminate from our lives bitterness, resentment, hatred, the desire for revenge, and more than 80% of human problems—knowing that, theoretically, problems do not exist, but are rather opportunities for growth that may seem unpleasant to our ego. We can recognize the existence of two types of human beings:
6. Those who, in their ignorance, live as slaves to fear, resentment, guilt, and attachments.
7. Those who, through understanding, live freely in acceptance, in the decision to act (taking responsibility for the results of their decisions), and in love (making agreements).

What is rancor? It is believing that someone hurt us and blaming them for what we do or feel. And resentment? It is believing that an external situation affects us. On the other hand, what is guilt? It means believing that we hurt someone. And touchiness? It means thinking that we are easily offended and irritable, and that people have to walk on eggshells around us. What is hatred? It is thinking that someone has caused us a serious problem and that we want to take revenge on them.

Ultimately, what is all this? It’s blaming others. Because how we feel depends on ourselves, on our beliefs—not on what others do or say. If we understood that, we would find ourselves in a state of extraordinary peace and begin to take charge of our lives.

Let's not blame others or ourselves; let's just learn what life teaches us.

The definition of forgiveness is as follows: to give up taking revenge for what we “believe” was done to us. As for mental cleansing, it means understanding that nothing has been done to us; we were simply in correspondence with the mistake of another person or other people. We should thank them for what they allowed us to learn. Remembering with gratitude, rather than with suffering, is an attitude of wisdom.

The ego needs to forgive and be forgiven, but love does not. The ego loves it when people apologize to it, because it believes the other person has offended it. If someone were to say to a Master, “Forgive me, Master, because I offended you,” he would reply, “I cannot excuse you or forgive you, because you have never done anything to me, and I have never felt hurt by you; however, I can understand what you’re telling me and accept that you don’t need to feel bad.” A Master isn’t offended. But if you say that to the ego, it will reply, “I love that you’ve acknowledged your mistake.” The important thing is to know whether you’re working from the ego or from love.

Everything is within us; it depends on us; it’s in our hands. No one is to blame for what happens to us or for what we feel. And blaming ourselves is a mistake. We interpret, from the ego, what the other person does. If we do so mistakenly, we fill ourselves with suffering, anguish, and fear. Why? Because we blame the other person. Of course, we could stop doing that and interpret from love, from truth—and not suffer. We are the ones who decide whether to fight against life or flow with it. We are the ones who decide whether to think negatively or with love.

Each of us determines exactly how we think, act, and feel, and this generates a correspondence in life with the outside world, one that we ourselves create. If that correspondence is not satisfying, a person can change it by modifying the way they think, feel, and act.

Detachment means letting go, and ceasing to complain and to blame.

Why do we become attached to a person, a place, a job, or material possessions? Out of fear of losing them, because we believe that those things, relationships, or people make us happy. But it is precisely our fears that prevent us from being happy.

Now that we have this new wisdom, we will use reprogramming to “install” it in our minds. To do this, we need to:

• Repeat the information mentally.
• Visualize an event alongside that same phrase.
• Feel yourself doing it. After reprogramming comes the time for daily experience—training—through which the mind begins to accept and verify the information. If you want to reprogram your mind, recording the wisdom phrases and the seven tools of love yields excellent results. Record the phrases you wish to introduce into your mind and place the recording near your bed, on a player set to turn on in about an hour, or when you estimate you’ll be asleep. Then your mind begins to listen, and the information penetrates the unconscious more easily than when you’re awake. In any case, it’s important that the phrases be spoken in your own voice, so that it is your own understanding that gets installed. Anything we decide to do voluntarily that is different from what we normally do will change our personality. The mere act of changing the way we speak transforms our personality, and that is what we seek in order to learn to respect without judging and to build excellent relationships. Because whoever expresses the best expresses the truth; and expressing the best means recognizing the qualities of love in all people. The wise person goes straight to the values they recognize in others and expresses them, while the ignorant person focuses on limitations—and that is what they express.

Conclusions

From what has been covered in this topic, we have drawn the following conclusions:

• External peace is the result of respect.
• There is no such thing as ill intent.
• Only the ignorant dare to judge and condemn, because of their mental limitations.
• Interpretation causes suffering, because we interpret from false concepts.
• We can be happy with others if we accept them as they are, respect them, and do not attack, invalidate, or blame them; then it is possible to have excellent relationships and enjoy a harmonious and peaceful coexistence.
• Judging, criticizing, condemning, and punishing produce low self-esteem, bitterness, hatred, and resentment.
• Loving relationships cannot be built on interpretations born of ignorance.
• There is nothing to judge; there is only so much to understand.
• To love is to learn to respect differences. There is nothing you have to believe, and nothing to take as certain or as already settled; you need to practice and verify in your own life whether this information works and produces satisfactory results. With this information, we have three courses of action:

1. Store it in our library.
2. Carry it with us and teach it to everyone.
3. Make the information a part of ourselves, so that it becomes the way we act. Only in this last case will we achieve satisfactory results.

Training Exercises

Mental Reprogramming for Respect

Learn these words of wisdom:

• I respect all people in their ideas, customs, beliefs, and behaviors, as well as in their right to make their own decisions.
• I renounce criticizing, disparaging, judging, condemning, and punishing anyone for any reason.
• Everyone does what they can with the best they know, and I am not one to judge them.
• I choose to love and respect all living beings, recognizing the perfection that each one manifests.
• I choose to fully respect the experience of others and to earn the trust of other people. Observe your thoughts, your words, and the way you act. Avoid criticizing, disparaging, judging, condemning, or punishing others. In this way, every day you will build more harmonious and peaceful relationships. If you want truly satisfying results in your life, stop trying to work on others and devote yourself to working on yourself. You cannot build a new life on old concepts. If you always do the same thing with the same attitude, you will always get the same results. Change the information, change your attitude, and your results will change.